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i hope you thrive

by regret will come

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1.
living inside the shell of puberty trapped in a hell that we all see that we all see you cut your friends daily just to see them bleed no longer a house and more an autoclave more an autoclave always a friendly, soaking, bloodied mess sterile feelings replace happiness in place of happiness the people you hate will find each other cut off the left breast of yr mother yr mother we eat through ourselves, striking the skin from bone we live in a rock that calls itself our home desperately avoiding any change i called out for you, now just a fading cross when we are together we are forever lost anxiously awaiting a quick end
2.
dopamine supplements trick myself into feeling a guy i hate is here i want him to love me misery is tangible and comfortable fuck god, stay high and love urself a void inside a bowl of blood has got me thinking that angels haven't fucked enough to start feeling a guy i love is here i want him to hurt me dopamine supplements to keep me happy desperately searching for the pills that help me sleep pray i never find them the pills that help me sleep
3.
4.
drape your broken symmetry over the hills that made you bleed rather than your broken family there already sick to death of you idols on your mantelpiece jesus loves to see you scream depression always made you feel much happier than bliss flowers burn up in your room angels dance across your bed weed has never made you high you only us it to pass the time read the writing on the wall of a piss covered bathroom stall public toilet poetry each word drips across your mind eat the love that keeps you strong you never needed anyone so why does loneliness care anything for you haven't seen your friends in days you don't need them anyway holy cross made of flesh make friends with guys that make you sick laughing gas for the pain klonopin tries to keep you sane danny loves to see your face so does mom and dad virgin blood smears your cheeks masturbate to feel release fetishize innocence holy cross made of flesh
5.
part time work was never that kind to me blackened wet streets, disappear dry saint, hurried phone calls home licking ghosts and sucking death darkness was my only friend until you turned the light on eat meat that never goes off, street lights never turn off in towns that fuck at night, deep sleep crystallise my faith drip wax on ashen skin, i'll be cool in heaven ascend with people that love my music but will never know my name I'd love to let it end cause i'll be cool in heaven
6.
the dregs of a beautiful demon the last breath of an aphid, final poem on earth, the son of a nurse the bodies of conceivable alibis incomparable sins, slice open an eye, deep rooted suicide honied ash spilling, dripping and useless crush the bones of a cloud, blue sky melting translucent, glowing plastic pain dregs of a beautiful demon wrap your arms up in veins, trapped by the blood of the one you loved
7.
8.
Talking about school with you High in your parents house What will we make of ourselves You ask through the smoke in your mouth Your parents were still together then And you still wanted to be with me "i want to be 15 forever" you'd say "i want them to see what we see" "Each and every person we know will pack up and leave But never me and you" "i want to be 15 forever" you say While I reply in unison
9.
east wide moor, don't stop, keep going till i'm dead grab a bench, feel anxious at yr child's funeral eat yrself, keep going, keep going (keepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoing) and move on enter a door without a handle become wooden, stiff and angry we never ended and never will i'll love you when it's over i'll love you when we're older slow down time and watch all deaths end at once not asleep, drop pills touch anything at all eternity is where you'll forget about this place destiny isn't quite what you think disparate and frail without answers a lively disposition bright lights, new friends, dark eyes apocalypse is yawning pseudo nightcalls, abyss the end of life is boring sympathy lays wasted on the floor of your dads apartment he never said he'd love you nobody said they'd love you
10.
martha 03:44
11.
boredom 03:05
take off your clothes and wash yourself of the boredom, the boredom of life ending watch all eternities flail and end at once eat at a table made by friends you haven't touched in a long time dope black, blue and aching, the transcendental youth are coming for you drip puberty on the curtains your mother left you, they never pulled the room together anyway torture their memories, scream until they're laughing why won't they ever stop laughing it never stopped hurting
12.
poking at eyeballs that have long since gone. ripping up pictures that your daughters have drawn. you would later claim to have gone coke blind. you would later claim to have touched god. large asphalt parking lots, painted white lines like maps to salvation. you never saw cars there, only people lost like you. your constant ticks made it difficult to talk. you stopped eating when you turned 24. cans of paint line the walls of your home, well not your home but the place where you can sleep. drinking never made you feel like this, it just made you angry. a cross around your neck, some pills for the pain. the holocene extinction had begun eat the bones that make you sick, i haven't seen you give up yet. love is the sixth extinction, hate is a large part of life love is something we will know
13.
slipping forward vomit stains reeling watch as i break and become the trees

about

I hope u can enjoy this uneasily prepared cloud of ether made possible by friends and family
and i hope this is the first of many poorly made albums
next time it will be less lonely and with more people

thank you for being there <3
rwc(sux)

credits

released October 15, 2016

'i hope you thrive' recorded, performed and produced by fintan

samples taken from nisemonogatari, monogatari: second season, unknown found recording, kmart tape: october 1989 and lost in translation.

sounds of sea recorded at brittas bay beach, wicklow

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regret will come Ireland

banned from lazer tag for melee attacks

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